Before reading
Be aware that I love my son as every other mother loves her child. I could never live without him! Just as I love my husband, who is a great father.
But through out the past 1.5 years, I’ve been challenged in a way I never thought possible. I didn’t know much about babies before I got one my self, so I didn’t really know what I signed up for.
This is a very honest post about motherhood, that you might relate to… When I gave birth in January 2017 i felt very alone about saying negative things about becoming a mother. Everyone else might just have been as happy as they seemed, but I truthfully find that hard to believe. There must have been somebody else struggling like me… So this post is meant to let the struggling mothers know, that they’re not alone. And to prepare ignorant girls (like the younger me) that having a baby is not just all about being happy and feeling blessed.
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Sleep
After almost two years of being a mother, I’m actually tired of talking about being tired. But sleep deprivation has without a doubt been the biggest issue for me when it comes to motherhood. A lot of my friends have gotten sleeping babies, so sleep deprivation might never be something that you’ll know of, because you won’t experience it. I hope you won’t, because it’s really torture.
Not getting proper sleep through a week you can do, you might be able to go through a month being tired. But after a year and a half you start to wonder, why you got a child to start with. (Luckily a single smile from my little guys reminds me and makes me happy again.)
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Forgetfulness
Before giving birth, I had my shit together and was super organized. Now I forget 90% of the things my husband or anybody else asks me to do. And it’s not that I remember it and then decides that it can wait and then forget it again. I forget everything about ever hearing about what I’m supposed to do until I’m asked: “Did you remember this or that”. It’s horrible and definitely a consequence of the sleep deprivation. The pregnancy Brain keeps continuing and if you’re not careful you start forgetting who you were before you became a mombie*
To me, it helped starting making a bullet journal. I wrote down the simplest of tasks; like “water the plants”, “answer sis’ text”, “do laundry” etc.
*A mother who is consumed by raising her children to the point of being sleep deprived or simply obsessed, and hence zombie-like.
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Partner
Having a child with your partner is the most amazing experience in the world. My husband and I had been a couple for six years, when we had our son. At that point, I thought I knew everything about my husband. But as it turns out, I didn’t. He had never been a father before, so of course I couldn’t know how he would take on that role. And sorry for ruining the illusions for a lot of you, but seeing your partner being awesome with other people’s children is not equal to how he will be with his own child. (One thing is playing with another’s child sunday afternoon, another thing is getting up at 5 o’clock in the morning after too many glasses of wine.)
I’m not saying that your partner isn’t gonna be an awesome father, my husband is an awesome father. You might just have had another ideas about how your family structure would be.
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Expectations
It all comes down to expectations. I never expected to have kids and therefore I didn’t really know what to expect. I had set my mind on continuing my life as before. Going to cafes, restaurants in the evening, etc. My child should not interfere with that; I could just bring him along and so my husband and I did! And of course it’s possible, but looking back I should have lowered my own bar.
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Advices
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Sleep woman, sleep, sleep, sleep! Make sure to be home as soon as the baby closes his/her eyes. You never know when the next all-nighter, sickness or round of colic comes, so make sure always to be as well rested as possible.
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Fight your way through the first year! You might be so overwhelmed that you feel like drowning. You might be so tired, that you can barely stand. And you might look at your partner thinking “shit… this was a mistake”. But I promise you, it’ll get better.
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Feel what’s right for you! If it is to stay in bed for six months with your baby, then do that! You and your baby do not get happier by doing what everybody else expects of you… and after all it’s about you and your baby!